Healing for basic needs

We all share certain core needs—it's part of being human, and these needs are fundamental to our value system. When we say, "I feel so loved!" (or "Nobody loves me,") often what we mean to say is, "One of my basic needs is being fully met (or not)."

Some of the basic needs that are a universal part of the human value system include:

• Encouragement
• Acceptance
• Understanding
  
• Admiration
• Recognition
• Comfort
• Approval
• Respect
• Trust
• Value
• Care

These values determine our social and emotional development and feel to most of us like they are necessary for survival. A person whose basic needs have been met in childhood generally grows up to be a balanced and loving person who acts out of peace instead of fear.

Unfortunately, many of us have not had all our basic needs fulfilled. Each person will have some that are unfulfilled, wounded, or damaged. When there is a deficit, we have all had times when we seek after it later in life, and use our energy to get these things.

Oops! Seeking after receiving care, trust, respect, approval, etc will only BLOCK your development and lead to behaviors that are not valued in society.

As coaches, we hear our clients expressing that their basic needs have been unfulfilled in one way or another.

For example, a person will say, “People do not understand me.” “I can’t get any respect.”  “I did all the work, but nobody even noticed.” “They don’t value my efforts.” etc.

Usually, we'll also hear them trying to get more understanding, respect, etc. Unfortunately, that won't help them.

Good news! TWO important ways to heal the deficits in our basic needs actually work!

1. Noticing When Your Needs Are Met

Often, the experience of having our needs fulfilled goes unnoticed, overshadowed by a focus on what’s missing. Coaching teaches us that where attention goes, energy flows. By tuning in to moments of connection and understanding (or any of the other values we might believe we lack), we reinforce the positive emotional states we crave.

• Pause when someone truly listens to you.
• Acknowledge the warmth of being understood or accepted.

This practice builds resilience and creates a neurological pattern of noticing abundance instead of scarcity.

2. Checking in with Your "OK-ness"

When a need feels unmet, coaching theory encourages curiosity and internal dialogue instead of self-criticism or despair. Ask yourself:

• "Am I fundamentally OK even if this need isn’t fully met right now?"
• "What resources do I already have within me to feel more grounded?"

By grounding yourself in present-moment awareness and self-sufficiency, you shift from lack to resourcefulness, strengthening your ability to navigate unmet needs without overwhelm.

Integrating Awareness for Growth

Healing isn’t about eliminating needs but transforming how we relate to them. Through awareness of fulfillment and mindful resilience, we can gain the tools for aligning with wholeness. By cultivating gratitude for what you do receive and checking in with your strength when needs go unmet, you move from longing to peace.

Healing starts by noticing you are OK and very loved—right here, right now.