Coach Approach

My friend Suzanne Lucas (aka the Evil HR Lady, and who is hilarious) told me this story: 

"In fourth grade, a classmate's mom came in with brownies to celebrate the child's birthday. There were two covered pans of brownies.

Now, there is pretty much nothing I won't do for a brownie. Brownies are amazing. I love brownies with my whole soul. 4th grade Suzanne was no different.

But then the mom took the tinfoil off the brownie pan to display coconut frosted brownies. What type of evil person would…

It's been an interesting ride for me to have lived outside of my home country for half my life. I find that I can often see things from a variety of perspectives, and it sometimes baffles me when I see people getting outraged by one viewpoint or another (even though I do the same often enough myself). 

Take the Olympic opening ceremony in Paris.

Some people saw it as a gorgeous, joyous, festive, contradictory, messy, over-the-top, oh-so-French tribute to love, inclusion, solidarity, diversity,…

I've loved receiving coaching from my buddy Lisa Pachence, MCC, who's an executive coach for overachievers. She's so great at helping people have a great life, and she's agreed to write this guest blog. Lisa writes: 

Appreciating both our strengths and our lovable weaknesses is vital. We are most lovable and easy to connect with when we embrace our humanity in its entirety.

But that's a LOT easier said than done sometimes. 

Once upon a time, I was in a situation where I was taking a lot of criticism from someone we'll call "The Grinch". This person was harsh, focusing on small details they didn't like, and speaking up early and often about how I should be doing things better. 

Harsh criticism is my krypto…

In the coaching world, we know how important it is to be "centered" and "grounded" before, during, and after sessions. In fact, many of us say that we find coaching itself to be centering and grounding. That deep level of listening to another does us a world of good, too, doesn't it?

But sometimes those words sound a little jargony and we don't remember exactly what our best ways of doing them are, both for coaching and for everyday life with ourselves and those we love. And what's the differen…

Understanding pro-relational boundaries has been a huge part of my journey as a coach. I used to think that setting boundaries was mainly about saying “no” to people (and also being a selfish jerk). 

My religious upbringing, as well as living as a woman in our patriarchal, hierarchical society, eroded my sense of boundaries by emphasizing self-sacrifice, obedience, compliance, and unconditional forgiveness, often at the expense of my well-being. 

I often felt guilty or unworthy of prioritizing…

We've all heard the quote from Jesus: "the truth will set you free." 

Often, I believe thoughts that go through my head, even though they're not true. In my own life, I create chaos when I'm living in unhelpful thought patterns like: 

• "I'm not lovable."
• "I'm defective."
• "People don't want to be with me."

The Work of Byron Katie is a beautiful coaching method of inquiry that invites us to challenge our distorted thoughts and beliefs, leading to a more peaceful and loving relationship wit…

When I lived in Kenya, I used to coach a couple who would drive together from quite a distance. I coached each of them separately under a small grass hut, and the other spouse would often be visible from inside the nearby restaurant.

They would laugh at how thoughtful, relaxed, and still I was with the husband. And how animated, vivacious, laughing, and full of movement I was with the wife. Was I a chameleon?

I’ve often thought about this dynamic - the need for my coaching presence to be adapt…

One of my coach trainers, Alan Seale, has developed eight profound, simple, direct questions to approach complex situations in a way that goes beyond the analytical mind and cuts through to the essence. I find that asking myself a few of these before making a decision or moving to action can open up new possibilities of love and softness. 

You might inhale deep into your belly and open your heart, as you begin asking yourself the eight questions about whatever's going on in your life right now.…

We all see the world through filters, without even knowing it.

Our early experiences shape any new data that comes into our awareness, and we just live that "reality" as if it were true.

Those distortions and generalizations are then called beliefs, but we're often completely unaware that we're even holding the beliefs - they just feel like truth. 

Those beliefs don't have a full update on how old we are, how wise we are, how we could be noticing different things, or interpreting what we do n…