I hate those loveable weaknesses!

Appreciating both our strengths and our lovable weaknesses is vital. We are most lovable and easy to connect with when we embrace our humanity in its entirety.

But that's a LOT easier said than done sometimes. 

Once upon a time, I was in a situation where I was taking a lot of criticism from someone we'll call "The Grinch". This person was harsh, focusing on small details they didn't like, and speaking up early and often about how I should be doing things better. 

Harsh criticism is my kryptonite every time. My shame shields were up to the extent that I used all FIVE in succession!

• Fawning and pleasing this person to accommodate their wishes. 
• Attacking with passive-aggressive remarks. 
• Becoming the all-knowledgeable expert. (My favorite, most-practiced shield.)
• Hiding (Going to my room to binge-watch Netflix, in this case).
• Distracting by being more funny than usual. (Which is hard, because I'm usually so darn funny.)

What I didn't try immediately - though I did eventually get there... was to practice some skills to gain perspective. Owning what happened, and how hard it was, and loving myself through it. 

Here's what I eventually did that helped: 

• I scheduled some downtime: I literally put a 4-day block on my coaching calendar to take a step back and let myself breathe. I took time to take a bath, read a couple of books on my list, and stay in my pajamas. I reminded myself that criticism is hard, and that I'm really, really bad at dealing with it when it's dealt out harshly, but not being good at it yet doesn't define me.
  
  
• I wrote down my feelings and accepted them: When I'm feeling bad about myself, my journal is the place to be. It's important to write not only how hard things are, but also what I appreciate about myself, what I want to accept about myself in my failures, and what I'm grateful for. I acknowledged myself for my strengths and my lovable weaknesses. They're what makes me unique. Maybe someone else wouldn't be so overcome by criticism, but I do get that way, and that's a lovable part of me, too.
  
  
• I reached out to friends: this one takes me a while because I don't like to talk when I'm in a downward spiral, but it's the one that heals me the most. I need people where I can first VENT about how terrible and awful and mean and horrible the other person was, and how it's ALL THEIR FAULT. And who can then listen to me blubber about how it's ALL MY FAULT. And who can listen long enough to just love me in all my harshness and weakness and see that I'm Ok. I picked my husband Ben, my sister Kathryn, and my friend Val. I know for 100% sure that these are the people who love me through all of it, not just when I'm being super-human. 
  
  
• I called a coach: Just kidding! Nearly everyone I spend a lot of time with is already a coach - including Ben, Kathryn, and Val. That's part of why they're such great friends and listeners and supports to me. But, if I wasn't surrounded by really great coaches all the time, I would definitely call a coach. They're amazing. And asking for help from someone who listens and loves well is awesome. 

Criticism, for me, might always be a tough challenge. Harshness might never feel fun or easy to me. My brain wiring and trauma background mean that I'm a particularly sensitive soul. But what I know I can be really good at is being kind to myself, recognizing that I'm human, and that my worth is infinite and non-negotiable. Just like yours.