Coach Approach Blog

I had a situation recently when I was really hoping and longing for real partnership, ideas generation, and closeness with some people I really enjoy. I was feeling a bit lonely and wishing for more from them, and I was starting to get a little desperate.

The more I wanted, the less closeness I felt.

Until I remembered to move into "creative hopelessness".

Creative hopelessness is the idea that, when you see reality clearly and stop hoping for it to be different, your hope can be placed accu…

If you're like me, you want to care for and protect others, and make sure they feel great when they're with you.

Which sounds really warm and loving, but I've found out in my life that it can be a recipe for confusion, and can even lead to others moving away from the intimacy I want to create. When I don't speak the truth, when I'm fearful of being real, when I hide my true feelings, it can feel smothering or duplicitous - all in the name of care, protection, and love.

When I am more concerned…

When you think of prayer and meditation as "talking", you might be imagining a connection to the divine, in which you are bringing words and content to the experience. You might be reaching out to God or the universe, often using language, to bring your questions, pleas for help, gratitude, and praise.

When you think of prayer or meditation as "listening", your experience might be quite different. The content, with or without words, might emerge from a space of receptivity. You might cease your…

I was in a coach training on a Friday afternoon with a man who considers himself a real champion of women's empowerment. At one point he taught our group of mainly women, “It’s so important that I, as a white man, learn to give away my power.”

From his perspective, I’m sure that felt true. To me, and the other women in the room, it felt gross. Something about the way he said it proved that he believed deep inside that he inherently has and deserves the power he has in excess, and we could feel …

When I was a kid, I was raised in a tradition of reward and punishment, a religious mindset that put people into categories of good and evil, of chosen and not chosen. I knew myself to be in the evil category, and was praised for that knowledge. I hid my knowledge that I was not chosen.

But when I was 28 years old and in deep despair after a miscarriage, the beauty and honor of human life became perfectly evident to me. I was so sad about the loss of my child and so aware of her inherent worth …

When I first became a coach, I was on a high about all the changes my clients were making in their lives. It was all about achieving goals, success, promotions, career ladder-climbing, taking action, and excitement. At the same time, it took a lot of my energy. I felt like I was constantly needing to infuse a boost into my clients’ lives, and they would still come back looking for more without making the lasting changes I knew they could. 

It took me years to piece together the levels of depth …

Those of you who know me well remember that I struggled for about eight years with panic attacks. I remember being nine months pregnant, walking the halls of the Rayburn building in Washington, DC to convince the powers that be to enact a piece of legislation that would benefit my company. 

I was exhausted, but kept pushing myself to do more, to impress and to succeed. I was constantly overwhelmed and stressed by the demands of my daily life. Every morning, I would wake up feeling anxious and a…

In chapter 4 of Rising Strong, Brené Brown writes,

"The opposite of recognizing that we’re feeling something is denying our emotions. The opposite of being curious is disengaging. When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don’t go away; instead, they own us, they define us. Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending—to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my tr…